Copyright © 2000 Tsultrim Allione.
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 1-55939-141-3
Chapter One
A-Yu Khadro
Prologue
This first biography is the most contemporary in this collection. It is interesting and special for several reasons apart from being a wonderful story. First, through Norbu Rinpoche's description of how the biography came into being we can see the process of the making of a namthar very vividly. We can see that what she selected was what would be relevant for another practitioner to know.
This story also represents the lives of many great yoginis who lived and died in relative obscurity. The other biographies in this collection are all of women who achieved great fame in their time. We can also see how the tradition Machig Lapdron handed down through generations from the eleventh century remains intact up into modern times. Most of A-Yu Khadro's life before she went into retreat consisted in living the life of a Chödpa, wandering from one pilgrimage place to another practicing the Chöd. We know that there were others like her: for example, her lifelong friend Pema Yangkyi, with whom she traveled for years, achieved the rainbow body at the time of her death. From this story we get the feeling of the freedom and independence of a Tibetan yogini.
The Biography of
A-Yu Khadro, Dorje Paldron
Homage to Dorje Paldron and Vajra Yogini!
This biography is only a drop of the nectar of A-Yu Khadro's life. As I write of her I will try to remember her presence. I am the insignificant disciple Namkhai Norbu, and this is the story of how I met A-Yu Khadro and how I came to write her life story.
When I was fourteen in the Year of the Iron Rabbit, 1951, I was studying at Sakya College. My teacher there, Kenrab Odzer, had twice given me the complete teachings of Vajra Yogini in the Norpa and Sharpa Sakya traditions.
One day he said to me: "In the region of Tagzi, not far from your family's home, lives an accomplished woman, a great dakini, A-Yu Khadro. You should go to her and request the Vajra Yogini initiation from her."
That year he let me leave a month early for the autumn holidays with the understanding that I would be going to see A-Yu Khadro. So first I returned home and prepared to go with my mother Yeshe Chodron and my sister Sonam Pundzom.
We set off, and after a journey of three days, we arrived at A-Yu Khadro's place in Dzongsa. She lived in a little stone hut near a river in a meadow under the cliff face of a mountain to the east of a small Sakya monastery. The hut was tiny, with no windows. She had two assistants, an old man, Palden, and an old nun, Zangmo. They were also strong practitioners of yoga and meditation.
We were very happy and amazed to see this situation. When we entered Khadro's room for the first time, only one butter lamp was lit. She was 113 at that time, but she did not look particularly ancient. She had very long hair that reached her knees. It was black at the tips and white at the roots. Her hands looked like the hands of a young woman. She wore a dark-red dress and a meditation belt over her left shoulder. During our visit we requested teachings, but she kept saying that she was no one special and had no qualifications to teach.
When I asked her to give me the Vajra Yogini teachings she said: "I am just a simple old woman, how can I give teachings to you?"
The more compliments we offered her, the more deferential she became toward us. I was discouraged and feared she might not give us any teachings.
That night we camped near the river, and the next morning, as we were making breakfast, Ani Zangmo, the old nun, arrived with her niece bringing butter, cheese, and yogurt. These, she said, were for the breakfast of my mother and sister, and I was to come to see Khadro.
I went immediately, and as I entered I noted that many more butter lamps were lit and she touched her forehead to mine, a great courtesy. She gave me a nice breakfast of yogurt and milk and told me that she had had an auspicious dream that night of her teacher, Jamyang Khentse Wangpo. He had advised her to give me the teachings of Khadro Sangwa Kundu, his gongter. This was not the teaching I had asked for, but was a teaching she had received from him directly which she had practiced extensively. While we were having breakfast, she was examining the Tibetan calendar. Then she said: "Since tomorrow is the day of the dakini, we will begin then. Today go to visit the Sakya monastery, and in the meantime we will make preparations."
So we went off to visit the monastery and made some offerings there. They had statues of the Buddhas of the Three Times and a stupa five arm-lengths high made of gilded bronze and studded with many jewels. It had been made according to Khadro's instructions. Inside it was empty.
The next day around eleven we began the initiation of Khadro Sangdu. From that day on, every morning she gave teachings including the practices of the subtle nerves and the subtle breath. In the afternoon at the end of her meditation session, she gave further explanation of the Khadro Sangdu and the Chöd of Machig Lapdron, the Zinba Rangdrol. This was the Chöd practice she had done for many years when she was younger. There were five of us receiving these teachings: Khenpo Tragyal, the abbot of the monastery; Yangkyi, a nun; my mother; my sister; and I. Her hut was so small that not everyone could fit in, and Yangkyi had to sit outside the doorway. The Khenpo assisted with the shrine and the mandalas.
A month later, she began the Yang-Ti, one of the most important of the Dzog Chen teachings in the most advanced Upadesha series, having to do with the practice in the dark. This teaching took five days. Then she began teaching on the Longchen Nying Thig. This ended on the twenty-fourth. In the seventh month on the tenth day, she gave the Vajra Yogini in the Sharpa tradition, the instruction I had requested, followed by a complete explanation. This was linked to the Kha Khyab Rangdrol teachings of Nala Pema Dundrub. Then she gave the complete teachings of her Singhamukha Gongter which took until the tenth of the following month. At the end she gave the long life White Tara practice. Not only did we receive formal teaching, but in addition, she made time for informal conversations and personal advice. I was not with her a long time, a little more than two months. During that time she had given eight kinds of teachings and was really so kind and gentle. We were very content with the generous gift of these precious teachings.
The Khenpo, one of her principal disciples, told us that he had, from time to time, received teachings from her, but the kind and extent of the teachings she had given us were rare indeed. She normally did not give much teaching and had never given so much in such a short time. He was afraid this meant that she might pass away very soon. Then Palden, the old man, said that several months before we came she had had a dream indicating that she should give certain teachings soon. Before we arrived they had begun the preparations. So there was definitely a motive for giving these teachings.
Sometimes, at my request, after the afternoon teachings, she would tell me about her life. I had the peculiar habit of writing everything down, unusual for Tibetans, so I wrote down everything she told me. From these notes I constructed this biography. What follows is what she herself told me.
I would ask her a question, for example about her birth and childhood, and she replied: "I was born in the Fourteenth Rabjung in the Year of the Earth Boar, 1839, during the winter, on the day of the dakini. The Togden who lived on the nearby mountain, Togden Rangrig, was at our house when I was born. He named me Dechen Khadro, which means "great bliss dakini."
"Some people also reported some auspicious signs on the day of my birth. I was born in Tagzi in the village of Dzong Trang in the family of Ah-Tu Tahang. In ancient times this had been a very rich family, but when I was born we were neither rich nor miserably poor. My father's name was Tamdrin Gon, but he was called Arta. My mother's name was Tsokyi, but she was called Atso, and they had three sons and four daughters. All the sons became traders and all the daughters did nomad's work, looking after animals. Since I was the youngest and the weakest, I was sent to look after the small animals and given the worst clothes. This is the story of my birth and childhood."
Then I asked her how she had met a teacher and begun to practice meditation. She said: "My aunt Dronkyi was a strong practitioner and lived near the cave of Togden Rangrig in another cave. From childhood she had been interested in meditation, and I, too, was strongly drawn to the teachings. I went to this place, Drag ka Yang Dzong, by my own choice when I was seven. I stayed there until I was eighteen, in 1856. I assisted my aunt, bringing her water and fire wood. I also assisted a disciple of the Togden, Kunzang Longyang, and he taught me and his nephew Rinchen Namgyal to read and write Tibetan. I began to become quite good at reading because the disciples of the Togden decided to read the Kangyur twice to extend the Togden's life and I participated in this. When I was thirteen, I received initiation and teaching on the Longsal Dorje Nyingpo. I also received the explanation and did my best to participate fully; although I had no understanding of the teaching really, I had much faith.
"A man called Apho Tsenga came to receive this teaching. He was from the rich family of Gara Tsong in the region of Nya Shi, who were friends of my aunt. My parents also attended the teachings, but their minds were not on the teachings, but rather on my future. By the end of the teaching I had been betrothed against my will to Apho Tsenga's son. I had no idea, really, what it meant, but I understood an interruption to my practice was being planned. My aunt did her best to intervene, but my parents were interested in the wealth of the Gara Tsong family. They only consented to the wedding be delayed a few years.
"When I was fourteen, I went with my aunt and Togden Rangrig to see Jamyang Khentse Wongpo, Jamyang Kongtrul, and Cho Gyur Lingpa, three great lamas, gathered together to consecrate a certain place. It was a seven-day journey to Dzong Tsho, and there we also met a lot of other teachers and great masters and received much instruction. My desire to participate more fully in the teachings increased at this time, particularly when we stopped to see Situ Rinpoche at Pema Nyingkye on our way back. From him we received teaching on White Tara. After this we returned to the Togden's retreat place, and he and my aunt went straight into retreat. I began doing the preliminary practices of the Longchen Nying Thig in my spare time. I was instructed by Kunzang Longyang.
"When I was sixteen, in the Year of the Wood Tiger, 1854, my aunt and I went to see Jamyang Khentse Wongpo. When we arrived, we heard that he was in very strict retreat, but we sent him a message saying we had come from Togden Rangrig.
"Since we had come from so far away with great self-sacrifice, he agreed to see us. When we met him, he told us that the preceding night he had had a dream which indicated he should teach us. He had decided to initiate us into the Pema Nying Thig, his White Tara Gongter. During the initiation he gave me the name Tsewang Paldron. For more than a month, every time he finished a session he gave us teachings. I began to get some idea of the meaning of the teachings at this time and when we returned to Togden's place, I entered a White Tara retreat.
"When I was nineteen, in the Year of the Fire Serpent, 1857, my parents and my brothers and sisters all decided it was high time I got married. They began to make great preparations for my marriage, and my aunt was very worried. She felt responsible for introducing the Gara Tsong family to my parents. It was against her advice that they proceeded with my marriage. She pleaded that I should be left to do what I wanted to do and that my practice should not be interrupted. But my parents insisted on marriage—not for my happiness, rather for their gain.
"The wedding took place towards the middle of the summer. It was a very happy occasion; even Togden Rangrig came to the wedding and showered blessings on us. It seemed as if we would be happy.
"I stayed for three years with the Gara Tsong family, and my husband, Apho Wangdo, was very kind and generous. Then I fell ill and slowly weakened for two years. The sickness could not be diagnosed. Sometimes it seemed like a prana disease, at other times I had convulsions like epilepsy; sometimes it seemed like a circulation problem. In short none of the doctors could help or even distinguish what the problem was. Whatever ritual or medicine was advised had little effect. I became worse and worse and was near to death when they finally asked Togden Rangrig to come to see me.
"He gave me a long-life initiation and performed a ceremony to call the spirit back into the body and many other rituals. Both he and my aunt insisted that the real cause was that I was being forced to lead a worldly life and stay in that household against my will. They told my husband and his family that I must be allowed to leave and follow my heart. They told them about the signs at my birth and my encounters with Jamyang Khentse Wongpo. Finally, they convinced them that marriage was a blockage of innate propensities to the extent that it was endangering my life force.
"My husband was a very kind man and agreed that if married life was endangering my life, it must be stopped. I told him that if he genuinely understood and loved me, he would want to follow the Togden's advice and let me be free to go and do as I pleased. I also told him that I would welcome his assistance in my retreat and hoped we could have a relationship of spiritual brothers and sisters, and if he agreed, perhaps I would get better.
"He promised to do this, and who knows whether it was because of giving his word or the rituals of the Togden, but after a while I began to get better. As soon as I was strong enough, he accompanied me to the caves of the Togden and my aunt. It took me a year to recuperate. I was helped very much because he made offerings to a nun there with the understanding that she would serve me and help me with the necessities. He and his sister also brought me food and supplies, acting as my patrons. That year, I received the termas of Guru Chowang.
"During this time I had a dream indicating that the passing away of Togden Rangrig was imminent. When I told him this dream he said: `I have already given you all the teachings I received from my gurus Motrul Choying Dorje, Migyur Namkhai Dorje and Rigdzin Pema Dupa Tsel.'
"I asked him to give me a practice to extend his life; I did this and he lived another three years. During this time I received teachings from him of Guru Nyang Ralpa on the Dzog Chen of Nyima Dragpa and many other teachings. Then, with the experienced guidance of my aunt, I began to do a lot of practice. When I was twenty-seven in the Year of the Iron Bull, 1865, and Togden Rangrig was seventy-seven, he fell ill, and one morning we found he had left his body. He remained in the meditation posture for more than seven days. We made many offerings, and many people came to see him. After the seventh day, we found that his body had shrunk to the size of an eight-year-old child. He was still in position and everyone continued to pray.
"As we were making the funeral pyre and preparing the body to be burned, everyone heard a loud noise like a thunderclap. A strange half-snow half-rain fell. During the cremation, we sat around the fire chanting and doing the One `A' Guru Yoga practice from the Yang-ti teachings. At the end there is a long period of unification with the state. When this was over we discovered that my aunt had left her body. She was sixty-two at the time, and when everyone else got up she didn't, she was dead. She was in perfect position and remained in the seated posture for more than three days. We covered her with a tent and remained in a circle around that tent day and night, practicing.
"Everyone was saying what an important yogini she was. Previously no one had said this. After three days, she was cremated on the same spot where the Togden had been cremated. Although everyone spoke well of my aunt, I was terribly sad. I felt so lonely after the death of both the Togden and my aunt even though it was a good lesson in transience and the suffering of transmigration. Many people continued to hear sounds from the funeral pyre for many nights. I decided to do a three-year retreat in my aunt's cave. I was assisted by the Togden's disciples and thus had good results from the retreat.
"When I was thirty, in the Year of the Earth Dragon, Kunzang Longyang, the nun that had been serving me, and I began to travel around practicing Chöd. We decided to visit Nala Pema Dundrub, also called Chang Chub Lingpa, as had been indicated by Togden Rangrig.
"We visited many sacred places and various monasteries on the way, so the journey took more than a month and a half. When we arrived at Adzom Gar, we met Adzom Drukpa and his unde Namkhai Dorje. They told us that Nala Pema Dundrub was expected shortly. Since Namkhai Dorje was giving teachings on the Longde to Adzom Drukpa and a group of about thirty of his disciples, we joined the group and received these teachings. The young Adzom Drukpa reviewed the teachings we had missed before we arrived.
"Toward the beginning of the sixth month, Nala Pema Dundrub arrived. When he gave the great initiation on the Tshog Chen Dupa, including Adzom Drukpa and Namkhai Dorje, we were about one thousand people. He also gave teachings on Tara, Gonpa Rangdrol, the root text about the practice at the time of death, and finally the Khal Khyab Rangdrol, his own Gongter. Namkhai Dorje and Adzom Drukpa gave more detailed explanations of the essential teachings of Dzog Chen. Thus we received not only initiations, but practical explanations of how to do the practices.
"Kunzang Longyang and the nun I had come with decided to return to Togden Rangrig's place and I decided to go to visit Dzog Chen monastery and Sechen monastery with some of Adzom Drukpa's disciples. One of the people I traveled with, Lhawang Gonpo, was a very experienced Chödpa, and I learned a lot from him.
"When we arrived at Dzog Chen monastery, winter was approaching, and it was becoming colder every day. Lhawang Gonpo taught me the inner heat practice and the practice of living on air and mineral substances, and so, thanks to his skillful instructions, I was able to live there quite comfortably in the bitter cold winter. We visited many lamas and other teachers at Dzog Chen monastery, and it was during this winter that I met my friend who was the same age as me, a nun called Pema Yangkyi. We became close friends and traveled together for years.
"When we were thirty-one, in 1869, Lhawang Gonpo, Pema Yangkyi, and I went to try to see Dzongsar Khentse Rinpoche with a khenpo of Dzog Chen monastery called Jigme and ten of his disciples.
"Along the way, we visited Dege Gonchen monastery, where they had the woodblocks for the Kangyur. We also visited other interesting places and slowly made our way to see Dzongsar. When we got there, to the place called Tashi Lhatse, we discovered that Dzongsar was in Marsho in strict retreat. So Khenpo Jigme and his disciples went off to visit Katu Payal monastery.
"Lhawang Gonpo, Pema Yangkyi, and I decided to go to Marsho with the intention of either seeing Dzongsar Jamyang Khentse Rinpoche or remaining in retreat near his retreat place. We made our way there begging, and when we arrived, found he was, in fact, in strict seclusion. We could not even send him a message, so we camped among some rocks below his retreat and began to do some intensive practice ourselves.
"We were there for more than a month before a monk called Sonam Wongpo came by one day to see what we were doing there. We told him where we were from and what we had been doing and that we had hoped to see Khentse Rinpoche. This became an indirect message to Dzongsar Khentse Rinpoche.
"One day, a while later, the same monk came back and told us that Khentse Rinpoche would see us following his meditation period that morning. We were elated, and when we entered his room, he called me by the name Tsewang Paldron that he had given me. He had decided to give us teachings on the Khadro Sangdu between his meditation sessions, since he knew us to be serious practitioners of meditation, but we were not to utter a word of this to anyone or it would become an obstacle for us.
"Since in two days" time it would be the anniversary of Jomo Memo's entrance into "the body of light," he thought that on that day we should begin the teachings, so in the meantime, we went out begging to get enough supplies for ourselves and to offer feasts when it was appropriate.
"We took much teaching from him and still had plenty of time to practice. Then we returned with him to Dzongsar, and along with hundreds of other monks, nuns, and yogis, we received the Nying Thig Yabzhi, which took more than three months. It seemed to me that during that period, I really understood something about Dzog Chen.
"He also gave us teachings from all the schools, the Kama Terma, Sarma, and Nyingma schools, for more than four months. We attended these teachings and met teachers from all over Tibet and received teachings from them as well. Afterwards we felt it was time to do some practice.
"When we were thirty-two, in 1870, we went to see Nala Pema Dundrub in Nyarong; we went with some disciples of Dzongsar Khentse who were from Nyarong. Traveling slowly, we eventually arrived in the region of Narlong in a town called Karko, where Nala Pema Dundrub was giving the Longsal Dorje Nyingpo initiation. We received the rest of this teaching and the Yang-ti Nagpo. We were there more than three months.
"After this we went with Nala Pema Dundrub to Nying Lung to the area of Tsela Wongdo, where he gave the Kha Khyab Rangdrol. When this teaching had come to an end, he called for Pema Yangkyi and me. He had named my friend Osel Palkyi, `Glorious Clear Light' and me, Dorje Paldron, `Glorious Indestructible Vajra' during this teaching, and addressing us with these names, he said: `Go to practice in cemeteries and sacred places. Follow the method of Machig Lapdron and overcome hope and fear. If you do this you will attain stable realization. During your travel you will encounter two yogis who will be important for you. One will be met in the country of Tsawa and the other in Loka, Southern Tibet. If you meet them, it will definitely help your development. So go now and practice as I have instructed.'
"He presented us each with a Chöd drum, and after further advice and encouragement, we saw no reason to delay and set off like two beggar girls. Our only possessions were our drum and a stick.
"We visited Kathog and Peyul monasteries and many sacred places, encountering many teachers. Eventually we arrived at the caves of Togden Rangrig, where I had lived as a girl. I had been gone three years, and it certainly gave us a desolate feeling. We found only an old disciple, Togden Pagpa, an old nun, and Chang Chub, a younger nun that I'd known, and Kunzang Longyang. It made me very sad to be there. When we said we were going to Central Tibet, Kunzang Longyang said that he would like to come with us. So we stayed for two weeks. As he made his preparations, we practiced Guru Yoga, made feast offerings, did practice of the guardians, and so on with the old disciples of Togden.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Women of Wisdom by Tsultrim Allione. Copyright © 2000 by Tsultrim Allione. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.